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It Started With a Kiss OST

Friday, November 04, 2005

Hi.. I'm back le.. Sorry peeps, haven been blogging since i got back my results.. Mm.. was promoted lor.. but i think i haven worked hard enuff.. quite disappointed wif my results actually..

CLA -- C
Econs -- E
Geog -- O
GP -- C6

Another thing.. I apologise to hui fang n nana n e whole of 05A7B for my absence both today n for class outing.. I'm really sorry.. My ah ma's in very critical condition n e doctor says she's juz waiting for time n wld go anytime.. So my mummy n i haf been going to e hospital n visit her as frequently as we can.. Hmm.. Feeling kind of sad n depressed.. but i dunno how to say oso.. Haiz..

I oso dunno y i haf tt kind of feeling leh.. I've nv been close wif my ah ma n e most memory i haf wif her is tt she's owaes holding on to a cane n waiting to whack me n my 3 other cousins cuz we r e elders amongst e kids in her hse... When i heard e news frm e doctor n xian cai ya( a deity tt we owaes go to) tt she's on her way, my tears juz welled up n flowed.. but my mummy like got no feel at all n can still joke n say i'm sha gua.. maybe cuz she had herself prepared for this day to come since my ah ma had a relapse of stroke ba.. Haiz..

Actually, i think i'm more of gek sim for my ah ma more than sadness ba.. She's got 9 kids, including my mummy.. But eversince she's been going in n out of hospital like daily routine, none of her children seem to feel anything, not even to e news tt she's going soon.. I feel it's so unfeeling of her children.. No matter how she treated them when they were young, she bi jing is their mummy ba.. I really dun understand how they can juz brush off e news when we ask them to visit her wif juz 3 words (busy, no time).. I really dun...

I can only say she's juz unlucky to have them as her children ba... No family ties or bonding.. Only got distrust among brothers, one looking down on others or simply juz no hiu.. Haiz... Wad a family!! Only now do i understand e 俗语 of 久病无孝子..

Then there's another thing.. ly contacted me a few days ago.. (finally.. last time was during promos n i was e one who look for him first) But.. now, i no longer haf tt kind of excitedness in me when i receive his msg or call le.. E feeling is juz like when any normal fren contact me.. Dunno y i become lidat leh... I noe i said i'll wait for him de.. But.. Haiz.. I dunno la..

Is it bcuz Mikado has already walked into my life without myself noticing? I seem to be waiting for him to call or msg everyday.. Y lidat??? I haf told myself time n again not to step in but y did it still happen? I keep telling ppl i 看破红尘, but still i haf stepped in.. 这是哪门子的看破尘啊??!!
My mummy has set e rule n told me very clearly tt i muz not haf any bf until after 21 n i haf reassured her tt i wld not breach this rule, but y am i thinking of such things now? Shldn't i be concentrating on how to mugg for my A's nxt yr?? Wad on earth am i thinking??? I really dunno n i'm really confused..

I told myself to keep my distance since we met.. I haf owaes been keeping my hands to myself but he told me not to.. He said tt i haf been scalded my e kettle once does not mean tt all e other kettles out there r hot.. I tried to believe him nslowly reached out my hand to e kettle in front of me.. But i was too slow.. someone took e kettle n I was scalded again.. Not very seriously, as i was e one who asked him to keep his options open... Was disappointed n sad.. He said he would take the step into e sea wif me n was e one who gave me e courage to step in.. But he finally said sth tt really left me not noeing wad to do.. he said he wld nv accept a ger whom he has hurt once as he wldn't want to hurt her a 2nd time... It was not his fault, though he keeps reproaching himself... Was i wrong to step in then??

Wad's e problem wif me??!!!!!! I dunno.. I really dun..

有望的等待会是人生的原动力，而漫长又无望的等待只会带来永无止境的痛苦，也会是精神上的虐待。Should i still wait then? Or should i be wad i owaes tell my cousin, juz let e boat sink n hope tt it is slowly sinking as everyday passes?? HAIZ.............

addi-added-ad 8:24 PM

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name: CoNnIe
age: 19
dob: 25/7/1987
horoscope: Leo
school: NYJC
location Singapore

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Promo results coming out.... Aargh...

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Derrick's out of Superstar... ='(