It Started With a Kiss OST

Tuesday, November 29, 2005

Haven been feeling well lately.. b4 genting n now.. B4 genting i oready told someone it wasn't my intention to go n thus not at all excited abt it.. but he said i shld cherish e opportunity as not everyone has e chance to go, which is quite true.. I listened to him n tried to be excited, at least in front of my parents.. Cuz it's been a long time my dad took leave to bring us out n didn't wanna disappoint them..

But, it wasn't at all enjoyable( if u had read abt e previous entry).. Had motion sickness n vomitted e way up n down.. So horrible.. N now, after e trip, I'm sick.. No, not in e brain, (cuz it's nv been normal since e day i started schooling..) but in physically n emotionally.. Dunno y my waist started aching since i woke up in e morning.. N i having sore throat n headache.. Haiz everything comes together.. Think i'll be bed ridden soon...

Hmm... Y am i saying all these? i dunno.. i really dunno.. I think sth is wrong somewhere (maybe up there) or am i juz hoping someone sees this.. Haha.. Who is tt someone? does tt someone even exists? Even if he does, will he even care or juz remain speechless? Ok, i'm mad... I really am.. Beware ppl, beware...

Oh well.. i think i'm pretty irritating ( read not only e first word, but both) here.. owaes 报忧不报喜.. Forever complaining.. Tt's y i ever had e tot to leave this blog alone.. But i juz cldn't do it.. Esp when i having bad mood or wad.. then i'll turn to my blog.. Cuz i lonely ma.. If i dun come here, soon i'll get depression like wad my tutor says.. At least this is one of my 管道 to 发泄..

我累了，真的累了。。。 成天在人前嬉戏玩闹，把自己变得和疯婆子一样，你以为我不累吗？无时无刻都有人在留意我的一举一动，到底何时我才能悠悠自在地 显露我伤心难过的一面?
人人都戴着面具过每一天。而我，也不例外。摘下面具后的我到底是怎么样的一个人？我想，连我自己也不太清楚。

你是我心中一句惊叹，而我却只是你生命中的一个过客。

Monday, November 28, 2005

.::WhAt HuRtS tHe MoSt::.

I can take the rain on the roof of this empty house,
That don't bother me.
I can take a few tears now and then and just let them out,
I'm not afraid to cry.
Every once in a while,
Even though going on with you gone still upsets me,
There are days,
Every now and again,
I pretend I'm ok, but that's not what gets me.
What hurts the most,
Was being so close,
And having so much to say,
And watching you walk away,
And never knowing,
What could have been.
Not seeing that love in you,
Is what I was trying to do.
It's hard to deal with the pain of losing you everywhere I go,
But I'm doing it.
It's hard to force that smile when I see your old friends and I'm alone,
Still harder
Getting up, getting dressed,
Dealing with this regret.
But I know if I could do it over,
I would trade,
Give away,
All the words that I say,
Through my heart that I left unspoken.

Isn't this very touching n 诗情画意？Hehe.. This is stolen frm poonie's blog... Sorry poonie, dun be angry... =P

Yoyo... I back frm Genting le.. But...... It was damn horrid.. I had to be baby sitter up there... Help my dad's colleague look after his 3 kids while they went to e casino... WTF..

Nv had such bad exp being baby-sitter sia... E 3 kids super duper hyper... I think is bcuz they nv been on holiday b4 ba.. E eldest one is a ger, Grace, 10 yrs (she's very tie xin n takes great care of her younger sis), then followed by a guy, joseph, 8 yrs (this is SUPER DUPER HYPER CUM GANGSTER) n e youngest is another ger, Crystal, 6 yrs (now this is a CUTE lil ger)

Oh well... My bro n i had to take care of these 3 kids since day 1.. They really glued themselves to us... of cuz we got to noe them earlier on le.. but not close at all.. juz acquaintances.. However, we became more shou on e way up genting... So later on, wherever we went, we'd be holding 3 kids' hands n i think we looked weird.. The kids r cute, but they really very difficult to look after.. ESP joseph... Kaoz.. He really damn gangster la.. Bring them go arcade, he everything oso wanna play, but prob is... He doesn't noe how to play any of them.. We explained to him nicely tt it'd be a waste of $$ if he didn't noe how to play... So we suggested sth easier to start wif.. BUT... He juz walked away n started throwing tantrums n showed us black face.. Kaoz... He juz kept wandering away frm us n mind u... We were not familiar wif genting at all la... Even though i 18 liao i oso dun haf e ben shi to gif birth to another son for HIS parents lor... Nt to mention tt there isn't even a "father" to let a "baby" be produced.. Think i wad? Wonder woman? Or 圣母玛丽娅?? Plz ah.. i not tt capable to be a virgin mother k... Somemore, wif e 3 kids ard.. we looked like their parents la.. then in e end oso got no time to look for motivation.. haha.. *winks to those who noe e joke*

Oops.. Sorry... Absolutely no 宗教歧视 here.. Juz stating a fact...(though it's pretty crude..) N i think someone wld think it isn't very nice for a ger to "write" in this way.. Well.. Tt's me.. haha...

Aniway, back to topic... My bro n i were really shagged juz after 1 day of looking after e 3 monkeys.. Thus, our day 2 was spent in e hotel room directly after breakfast... Hehe... U r right!! We spent e day SLEEPING all e way frm 10:30am to 5pm... Haha.. Piggies rule!! Mmm... After tt went for early dinner n went "rackey" ard to look for souveneirs to buy... But... Like i said... I got no $$ n my mum simply refused to pay for us first... therefore we bought nth... Sorry guys.. So paisei...

Then after tt, my dad's colleague sent his kids back to e hotel to slp while e rest of us (excluding my bro) went to SAFARI... a disco or pub? i dunno... Haha.. was my very first time in this kind of place but there's no fun at all... I was wif a bunch of old ppl (my parents n my dad's colleague+wife) who simply refused to fang xia mian zi to get on e floor until they all were a lil tipsy... I was e only one who's totally sober of cuz... (do u suppose i'd be allowed to drink while my mum's ard?) Well.. we kinda chionged until 3 am b4 going back to e rm.. E only fun part was seeing my dad dance.. He was making a fool of himself (as usual) but he suddenly plucked up some courage to get down into e 舞池 n he started dancing... n even competed against..... AN INDIAN GUY!!! OMG... We all cld see tt he was tipsy... N my mummy made fun of him by saying tt he cld only attract ppl of e same sex n ah gua... Simply bcuz his 磁场 only appeals to them n not to e opposite sex.. Haha..

Ok.. It's kinda bad.. But tt's really e case.. My daddy nv seem to attract females... wif my mummy as an exception..(which is y until now i simply haf no idea which part of my dad appeals to my mummy...) Wahaha!!

When we finally came back, we were given a damn bus tt broke down half way.. It was 1 hr late when it came to pick us.. (supposed to cum at 2, but didn't see it until 3) Then after tt e water pipe broke n we were stranded at some ulu place along e road in m'sia for at least 1 n a 1/2 hr w/o aircon... When it was finally repaired(we tot), it went on for less than 1/2 hr n had to stop to refill water... So all in all, we were late by 5 whole bloody hrs.. (supposed to reach home at 11:30pm but reached at 3 am instead.. wonderful?) Thank god we ate when they gave us toilet break at an eatery..

I noe it's a super long entry.. but there's nth else to tell u all le..

Except tt... I cut my hair le!! Yup! It's true.. Ppl who've known me long enough all noe tt my hair is my bao bei (simply bcuz it takes ages to grow) n tt i nv cut my hair except when i'm in a bad mood... And.. To those who've been constantly
keeping themselves updated abt wad's happening here... U all shld noe e reason le ba... HAIZ..... Okie lah.. Dun tok abt it le.. This is getting real LONGgggggg

KKz.. tata...

Sunday, November 20, 2005

Helo.. i back again.. Hehe.. As u all noe.. i come here only COMPLAIN nia.. So today.. as usual.. Bleh..

Today's a bad day.. i noe it's only 2pm.. But i dun give a damn..Early in e morning kena scolded by my parents.. For wad damn bloody reason, i dunno.. Only noe tt they juz nag n nag say i lazy, blah blah blah... Cuz i nv iron THEIR clothes.. (okay, tt's e truth, but mine wasn't ironed by them either..) Bleh... Then e most dl part is tt they were onli targeting at me la.. Kaoz.. My bro was like GLUED to e PS since he woke up n hadn't changed or wad either.. But they juz conveniently targetted at me.. maybe cuz only i was visible to them? or cuz i'm e ger so i'm SUPPOSED to do everything in e hse?

Hello... Not tt i nv do anything k.. I did STH.. At least i mopped n vacuumed e hse yesterday... But who appreciated it?? NOBODY kz... My mum even suspected whether i even did e job at all lor.. Wasn't tt wonderful?? Actualli.. i think my dad bombed me cuz he was clothesless liao lah.. As in he got no uniform, no shirt n no trousers to wear le... But tt's not my problem wad.. He nv mention anithing.. So how was i supposed to noe?? I got no bionic eyes n neither am i his wife lor.. Ermmm.... even his wife, who is my mum, oso nv noticed ba... =P Or..... Did she do it on purpose? Telling him it's time he learnt how to do his own ironing when he's clothesless?? Hehe..

Well wadever e case, he did not catch e ball at all.. So poor me.. kena hong zha by both of them... N i cldn't be bothered.. Cuz my dad asked me to stay at home n finish ironing all e clothes or all of us will have no clothez to wear when we go genting... Plz la.. THEY r e ones w/o clothes.. Not me k... So y am i supposed to stay home alone to help them iron while they all go out?? So Sorry sia.. Connie Heng will nv do this kind of sai gang one lor... Y should i stay home n iron while they go out n enjoy?? Bleh... This kind of 吃亏 job 我才不干呢！！

Ok la... this is getting super long.. Shall stop here le.. tata..

Friday, November 18, 2005

Whew.. Been bz these few days.. Bon econs lecture to help out in temple for e past few days.. but was really sick on monday.. Diarrhea..(is tt how u spell??) Haha.. Today oso nv go for geog.. Sure die de.. Haiz.. Bo bian.. my auntie come visit.. then cramp like siao.. Horrigible..

Aniway e temple thingy today finish le.. so i not needed there oso.. then juz rot at home e whole day.. damn sianz sia... He vanished for so many days finally call me le.. Haiz.. e past few days he only ask me look after my cousin.. of cuz until now still is la.. n i definitely will de.. if i bu teng or zhao gu her who else will?? Haiz..

Oh well... He finally zheng zhong tell me le.. I mentioned b4 liao.. ActuallyI knew it when he told me e story when he buanged e first time liao.. I juz didn't want to face it... now da jia dou ming bai le.. Haha.. might as well.. He ask me to treat him as a passer by, but he shld noe it's gonna be pretty hard.. n still ask me look for him when i lonely or sad.. Haha.. so contradicting.. Hmmm...

I'm really sorry i brought u so much trouble.. I didn't mean it.. Of cuz i didn't expect u'll read my entries too.. Haha.. Nvm ba.. Wad's done cannot be undone aniway... Isn't it better we made things clear??

你不希望再伤害我，却不知道那对我是更大的伤害。

你要我把你当成行人是因为要我把你忘记，还是因为我和她们一样，只是你生命中毫不起眼的过客？

我已经压抑很久了，也应该够了吧？最起码，在人群的这几天里我已经尽力掩饰了，不是吗？

**给你的心不要你还 痛不要你偿
陪你走过一段 七情六欲全都品尝
爱你的苦不要你扛 泪不要你挡
七情六欲打翻 笑着哭 哭着笑去想你的模样

Saturday, November 12, 2005

Hi peeps... I'm back le.. My ah ma's gone le.. She passed away on monday at 6 am, wif no one beside her... Haix.. Now all her funeral n stuff has been done liao.. But against her wishes... She didn't jiao dai anithing, no will or wad.. So e sons had to make e decision for her.. She wanted some 风光大葬 kind of thing n place her ashes at 光明山, right beside my auntie.. But in e end, my 3rd uncle decided on a christian funeral simply cuz its quiet n simple.. N oso cuz they knew nth abt e traditional chinese funeral.. Haix..

In e end my 6th uncle, who's e only christian, oso knew nth abt christian funeral... Wonderful huh?? Aniway, many of us were damn pissed wif e bastard pastor who keeps preaching at both e 安息礼拜 n 火化场.. Everyone was damn pissed off wif all his bloody stories tt has nth to do wif my grandma or e ceremony..

Haix.. dun wanna tok abt it le.. Sad n sianz...

Friday, November 04, 2005

Hi.. I'm back le.. Sorry peeps, haven been blogging since i got back my results.. Mm.. was promoted lor.. but i think i haven worked hard enuff.. quite disappointed wif my results actually..

CLA -- C
Econs -- E
Geog -- O
GP -- C6

Another thing.. I apologise to hui fang n nana n e whole of 05A7B for my absence both today n for class outing.. I'm really sorry.. My ah ma's in very critical condition n e doctor says she's juz waiting for time n wld go anytime.. So my mummy n i haf been going to e hospital n visit her as frequently as we can.. Hmm.. Feeling kind of sad n depressed.. but i dunno how to say oso.. Haiz..

I oso dunno y i haf tt kind of feeling leh.. I've nv been close wif my ah ma n e most memory i haf wif her is tt she's owaes holding on to a cane n waiting to whack me n my 3 other cousins cuz we r e elders amongst e kids in her hse... When i heard e news frm e doctor n xian cai ya( a deity tt we owaes go to) tt she's on her way, my tears juz welled up n flowed.. but my mummy like got no feel at all n can still joke n say i'm sha gua.. maybe cuz she had herself prepared for this day to come since my ah ma had a relapse of stroke ba.. Haiz..

Actually, i think i'm more of gek sim for my ah ma more than sadness ba.. She's got 9 kids, including my mummy.. But eversince she's been going in n out of hospital like daily routine, none of her children seem to feel anything, not even to e news tt she's going soon.. I feel it's so unfeeling of her children.. No matter how she treated them when they were young, she bi jing is their mummy ba.. I really dun understand how they can juz brush off e news when we ask them to visit her wif juz 3 words (busy, no time).. I really dun...

I can only say she's juz unlucky to have them as her children ba... No family ties or bonding.. Only got distrust among brothers, one looking down on others or simply juz no hiu.. Haiz... Wad a family!! Only now do i understand e 俗语 of 久病无孝子..

Then there's another thing.. ly contacted me a few days ago.. (finally.. last time was during promos n i was e one who look for him first) But.. now, i no longer haf tt kind of excitedness in me when i receive his msg or call le.. E feeling is juz like when any normal fren contact me.. Dunno y i become lidat leh... I noe i said i'll wait for him de.. But.. Haiz.. I dunno la..

Is it bcuz Mikado has already walked into my life without myself noticing? I seem to be waiting for him to call or msg everyday.. Y lidat??? I haf told myself time n again not to step in but y did it still happen? I keep telling ppl i 看破红尘, but still i haf stepped in.. 这是哪门子的看破尘啊??!!
My mummy has set e rule n told me very clearly tt i muz not haf any bf until after 21 n i haf reassured her tt i wld not breach this rule, but y am i thinking of such things now? Shldn't i be concentrating on how to mugg for my A's nxt yr?? Wad on earth am i thinking??? I really dunno n i'm really confused..

I told myself to keep my distance since we met.. I haf owaes been keeping my hands to myself but he told me not to.. He said tt i haf been scalded my e kettle once does not mean tt all e other kettles out there r hot.. I tried to believe him nslowly reached out my hand to e kettle in front of me.. But i was too slow.. someone took e kettle n I was scalded again.. Not very seriously, as i was e one who asked him to keep his options open... Was disappointed n sad.. He said he would take the step into e sea wif me n was e one who gave me e courage to step in.. But he finally said sth tt really left me not noeing wad to do.. he said he wld nv accept a ger whom he has hurt once as he wldn't want to hurt her a 2nd time... It was not his fault, though he keeps reproaching himself... Was i wrong to step in then??

Wad's e problem wif me??!!!!!! I dunno.. I really dun..

有望的等待会是人生的原动力，而漫长又无望的等待只会带来永无止境的痛苦，也会是精神上的虐待。Should i still wait then? Or should i be wad i owaes tell my cousin, juz let e boat sink n hope tt it is slowly sinking as everyday passes?? HAIZ.............

Profile

name: CoNnIe
age: 19
dob: 25/7/1987
horoscope: Leo
school: NYJC
location Singapore

*~loves~*

*mint ice-cream*

*drama*

*desserts*

*shopping for clothes(budget!!)*

*colourful undies!
(no red! yux)*

*sky, sun, beach, ocean, waterfall*

*blue, white, black, pink n other pastel colours*

*fruits n fruit juices*

*bikini(I'm still wishing n waiting)*

*children n babies*

*puppies(silky terrier, maltese,
maltese-shitzu)*

*country life
(relaxing actually-- canada,barcelona? WA too)*

*new computer
(laptop might be a better choice)*

*new phone
(wif camera)*

*lilies (white), lavender, pink roses, tulips, man tian xing*

*singing(k-box)*

*swimming*

*chalet
(together wif bbq n stay-overs)*

*恶作剧之吻
（loves it alot)*

*恶魔在身边*

*天外飞仙*

*爱情合约*

Links

[c.l.i.c.k.m.e]Candy
[c.l.i.c.k.m.e]Noella
[c.l.i.c.k.m.e]Serene
[c.l.i.c.k.m.e]Rindy
[c.l.i.c.k.m.e]Poonie
[c.l.i.c.k.m.e]Ee hui
[c.l.i.c.k.m.e]Xinyu
[c.l.i.c.k.m.e]Weijun
[c.l.i.c.k.m.e]Audrey
[c.l.i.c.k.m.e]Jueling
[c.l.i.c.k.m.e]Justina
[c.l.i.c.k.m.e]Yanxing
[c.l.i.c.k.m.e]Cheryl
[c.l.i.c.k.m.e]Lynette
[c.l.i.c.k.m.e]Xinyang
[c.l.i.c.k.m.e]Huifang
[c.l.i.c.k.m.e]Mindy
[c.l.i.c.k.m.e]Joy
[c.l.i.c.k.m.e]Kaitian
[c.l.i.c.k.m.e]Strawberry Qream
[c.l.i.c.k.m.e]Adeline
[c.l.i.c.k.m.e]Ming Jue
[c.l.i.c.k.m.e]Justin
[c.l.i.c.k.m.e]PeiFen
[c.l.i.c.k.m.e]WeeBeng
[c.l.i.c.k.m.e]Yiwen
[c.l.i.c.k.m.e]Xiying
[c.l.i.c.k.m.e]Sharon

Memories

Home Alone!!!

Home alone- sick

I'm back!!

dreaming

爱情=痛苦？

Happy New Year???

新年新鲜事

永别了，2006。。。

home sweet home

random thoughts

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